I’m a huge fan of starting over every new year, but some things are just unrealistic. Eventually those books you promised to read will start to gather dust and that gym membership will be used maybe once. How about trying some New Year’s resolutions you’ll actually want to keep? Sure, they may not make for a TikTok video, but the newly started 2023 is as good an excuse as any to re-up your sex life and make some resolutions with your partner(s) — or yourself. Although we are SO over tired resolutions that just make us feel bad about ourselves, we still like the idea of approaching a new year with a sense of intention. And OK, we'll be honest, we also really like setting goals and getting the satisfaction of checking things off a list. (Please send us all the gold stars!) When it comes to setting resolutions, this can be a good time to give some extra attention to whatever parts of life seem to fall to the bottom of the priority list. For all to many, that bottom can include devoting time and energy to keeping that sexual spark alive.
Sex resolutions are just like regular resolutions: Like any other part of our lives from health to finances, our sex lives don’t thrive without regular investment. You make them after reflecting on the past and deciding how you want things to be different in the future. There’s no such thing as a "bad" sex resolution, as long as it works towards making sex more comfortable, pleasurable, and exciting for everyone involved. That could mean taking a whole new approach to the bedroom or just swapping out some toys. Even the smallest changes can lead to a world of difference, and it’s never too late to try something new. The same old, same old is so 2022.
The truth is, all the things that come with sex — full-bodied pleasure, deep awareness of our bodily senses, human connection, and a little creative play — are also all things we need to carry us through the times of stress. Regularly making time to feel good is soup for the soul. So why not Try out one sexy resolution a month for the next 12 months and see how much more connected and frisky you and your partner can be in 2023!
Not sure where to start? Grab your pad of paper and create your sexual bucket list for the next 12 months! Here’s some ideas to start your new year off with a bang (literally).
Learn more about yourself.
When it comes to changing and adding to your sexual routine, it's important to start with yourself, even if you're in a relationship.
Unexpected pleasure comes from all different places depending on who you each are, what your history is, and how you interact together. If you haven't fully explored your body and your desires through something like masturbation or watching porn, why not take the time to practice with yourself before involving other people?
Here’s a few options you can try!
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Get back to the basics.
Sex can sometimes be intuitive, but there's something to be said for doing your homework. There is many different position books for a reminder of the seemingly never-ending options for every type of couple and body, even if you don't think you could ever replicate them.
Sometimes you can even discover amazing positions just by messing up the ones printed on pages.
Take to the sea.
Or any kind of water, really. Move from the bed to the bath (and beyond!), I know lots of people think sex in the shower would be to complicated, never knock something until you try it. Add some toys that work on dry and wet land and you’ll regret not trying it sooner! You could also add some lube to keep things smooth and easy.
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Get outside of the bedroom.
Make love in a different place at a different time. A simple change in location or shaking off of your old routine makes the sex feel brand new. And don’t rule out the outdoors! There's nothing like feeling the fresh air on parts of the body that don't usually get to see the sun! One idea for a sexy resolution would be to have a make-out sesh (or more, for the daring) in the great outdoors. Hiking, camping, a secluded lake — there are options!
Take snack breaks
This doesn't necessarily mean pausing mid-coitus to go and make some popcorn (although we fully support that), but instead incorporating more food into sex.
Hold an ice cube and trace sensitive parts of your partners body Or put cream on areas where it would be stimulating to lick off.
Come up with your own striptease routine.
It can be an incredible turn on if you are able to get out of your head, lose your inhibitions, and channel your inner seductress and there's no better way to relax than through music. Whether it's a fully choreographed routine or a dance improvised in the moment, there's surely no one who wouldn’t appreciate a striptease.
Act out as many fantasies as you can.
It can involve role play, costumes and losing yourselves in characters and scenarios Whether the vibe is naughty teacher, sexy nurse, or something a little more exotic (we're not gonna judge!) embrace the silly sexiness of role playing Or, it can be as simple as using your imagination. One of the sexiest things we have is our imagination. There is no pressure to have to enact those fantasies, but just the act of sharing can create extra intimacy. For those who are a little shy, texting instead of sharing it face to face is totally allowed! There’s so many different fantasies, and all are worth exploring!
Don’t let romance fall to the wayside.
While our brains can get very "sex, sex, sex," certain intimate relationships benefit from something a little more tender. Simply appreciating each other and showing that appreciation and value in romantic terms is rare and valuable today. Don’t take that for granted, let the romance be a first priority sometimes I promise it will make a difference in the bed room.
Be more open with your partner about your desires.
Something that facilitates the introduction of these new ideas into your sex routine is honest and open communication with your partner.
Some partners will take offence and feel pressured if you surprise them with porn or something new, Others will be delighted. Make sure you're putting your partner first. If you're not sure if they'd like something, just ask! Scared of offending them? Approach it as a little something extra — not as a cure to a problem you’re having in bed.
Step outside of your comfort zone.
But not too far. Never do anything that doesn't make you feel good for the sake of a resolution. Rather, use this as an opportunity to experiment with something you've always been curious about but have maybe been hesitant about trying — such as bondage or maybe sexotic's 14 night love box!
The truth is, consent is everything, honesty is everything, and just being open with someone regarding your inner most desires shouldn't be shameful. I advise taking a look on sexotic and grabbing some accessories, whips, masks, hand cuffs and just casually implementing them into your usual routine. Resolving to experiment with sex beyond the vanilla version can be a good goal for 2023!
Erotic books are my guilty pleasure
Reading more books and getting turned on with your partner? That's killing two birds with one stone. Ideally, you and your partner would pick erotic books to read and learn from at the same time, but an erotic book club with anyone would do the trick.
And if you're looking for sexy reading that's less time-consuming, the internet is full of great short erotic stories.
You could even listen to an audiobook while getting frisky in bed, Usually bringing the phone to bed isn't a great start to making a sexy moment happen, but it can be if there is a hot audio book or short story to listen to together! Check out an app that has erotic short stories or bookmark some of the hottest scenes in an audio romance novel and see what it inspires for your bedroom book club of two.
Schedule theme nights.
The words "schedule" and "sex" aren't necessarily the most arousing when used in the same sentence, but this is one exception. Picking a theme for each day, or even just one day a week, is a fun way to change up the routine couples can find themselves falling into.
You could do something like a minimum of a once a week oral night, where you pleasure your significant other without the expectation of penetrative sex This goes both ways, depending on what each partner is comfortable with. Giving head can be more personal than actually having sex, so just be cordial and enthusiastic.
Embrace Body Positivity
For most of us, feeling sexy goes hand in hand with feeling confident. You are a beautiful gorgeous rockstar, so stop telling yourself otherwise! exchange that negative self-talk for positive energy this year! Stop comparing yourself to other people, You're putting way too much pressure on yourself! Be kind to yourself always.
Create your own sex playlist.
Everyone has at least one dirty song that gets them in the mood. What's yours? Mine has to be “whatever you like” by T.I “I want your body, need your body / Long as you got me you won't need nobody.”
You 100% need this song on your sex playlist. Truly, it deserves a spot on any playlist – sexy or otherwise. And, if you’re ever not in the mood for the original, the cover by Anne Marina is just as good and maybe even a little dirtier? If you need any more convincing, it was actually the song of choice for the infamous gossip girl threesome scene.
Make the Bedroom Sexier
For the final resolution, resolve to turn up the sexiness of the bedroom itself. Consider adding some amazing high-quality sheets, a piece of sex furniture (yep, that's a thing!), or even keep it simple by changing the lighting (a dimmer switch is a fab idea) or adding candles for some mood lighting. Make the bedroom a sexy haven, and good sex will follow!
3...2...1 happy new year!! Ok, it’s a little belated, but it’s still never too late to set some resolutions and get your year on the right track.
Shay Lassen